Last night my younger brother called to tell me he will be going to Manila to look for a job. Naturally, he will be staying with me since I am the only one in our family who is living in Manila. After his call, I experienced mixed motions. I am happy because finally I will be living with an immediately family member after being on my own for almost 12 years now. On the other hand, I am also worried since I’ve been in own bubble for a while and the impeding change in my living situation could mean bursting that bubble. It also doesn’t help that I live in a relative’s house. It means a bigger change can happen once my brother lands a job: move out.
It’s amazing how in a few days the way I view my year has changed suddenly. Just a week ago, I felt my life is at stale. I still haven’t reviewed properly how my life last year fared so I began 2013 feeling so lost and bored. I was having a hard time figuring what I really want to do in terms of work and possibly studies. Then this week arrived, knocked whatever negativity I am experiencing and forced me to sit down and see the opportunities I have for this year.
Adding to my dilemma is the fact that I’ve been a regular employee in my current work for two years now. It means I could already apply for a study leave and scholarship for graduate studies. On this very week, I was reminded by my supervisor of that opportunity and just yesterday the application for scholarship landed on my table. I am now in a utter state of confusion. Years ago, I badly wanted to go back to school but the situation did not allow me to. Now that the opportunity is presenting itself, I am hesitant because until now I don’t have a clear gauge of what I want to take and how I want my career to proceed.
I’ve been in living in limbo for a while but I got so accustomed to it that I am now afraid to get out of that limbo. Scary isn’t it? An officemate pointed out to me, “It’s now or never. It’s better if you plunge because you never know… You might not be able to it in the future if you let the opportunity pass.”
Should I do it then? Go back to school despite the risk that I might totally like what I will take? But then I’ll never know how truly I love something unless I try it and I have nothing to lose expect probably for time. It seems I have a lot of thinking and reflecting to do. I have until February 2013 to decide and that eons close.
Just when I thought this year would be stagnant, it’s now teeming with options that need to be acted upon. I wonder… Does 2013 means new house, new neighborhood, new course and new people?