Back then, I can see him in every angle I turn. I always hear his loud booming in my head. Every time my phone rings, I thought it was him calling. Every time a car honks, I thought it was him waiting for me. Every time i go home, I was expecting that he was there welcoming me. And every time I close my eyes, it was his face that flashed in my mind. It became too much that I’d wished everything that reminded me of him will just go away. That was before.

Now I’m wishing that I’d see him again in everything. Not because I still can’t accept that he is gone now but because the concrete feeling of hearing his voice and feeling him alive is almost gone now. I’m afraid of losing that feeling. Back then, I know his scent the moment I smell it. Now, there’s nothing to remind me of that scent. His voice are but vague sounds in my head. I don’t have any recording of him singing or talking so i don’t have a grasp of how he used to sound when he was still here. The last thing that remains with me are memories. However important memories are, they are but pictures and short clips in my mind. Nothing can ever replace that feeling of touch that I am looking for.

Oh Life. What an irony.

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